


only thing that i can do is hold it in, hold it in

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, John is a biology major, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 18:25:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10972869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "No I don't!" John protested."Yes you do!""Bro code, more like--NO code!""You HAVE to or I will die of curiosity. I will literally--I am a cat, and I'm dying, my curiosity is killing me, and it's your fault."





	only thing that i can do is hold it in, hold it in

John Laurens fell back on his bed with a groan, covering his face with his hands.  
"What's up, dude?" Alexander said from John's desk chair, not looking up from his textbook.   
"Gahhh I just--uhh. Can I...talk to you about something...? Nah it's nothing."  
"NooOOO!" Alexander said, moving to John's bed in a flash and perching himself on the edge of the mattress. "Come on, don't give me that 'nothing' crap. When you start a sentence like that you have to FINISH it. Bro code."  
"No I don't!" John protested.  
"Yes you do!"   
"Bro code, more like--NO code!"  
"You HAVE to or I will die of curiosity. I will literally--I am a cat, and I'm dying, my curiosity is killing me, and it's your fault."  
"It's kinda embarrassing."  
"I don't care!"  
"Ughhh. Don't make fun of me," John warned. "I WILL punch you."   
"I won't make fun of you! Dude, just tell me."  
"Okay, um. So I guess I kind of have a crush on someone, who...I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me back, and I...it sucks, just...a lot. It's stupid, because I know nothing's gonna happen, cuz we're just friends, but even sitting here studying I can't get the idea out of my head. I can't get him out of my head."  
"Aw, dude, I'm so sorry, that SUCKS," Alex said emphatically. "That really sucks. Crushes are the worst."  
"Mhm," John said quietly.  
"...So...I mean, do you want to talk about this more, or change the subject, or...what do you want to do?"  
John thought for a moment. "I don't know, I guess."  
"Caaan I ask why you're so sure he doesn't like you back? Cuz I mean, I've had moments where I was so sure someone was not at all interested in me, and then they like...asked me out, so. People can be super confusing, man. I mean, I guess if you're 100% sure this guy is straight or something, then that's kind of a bummer, but sometimes people who seem straight aren't always straight, especially in college, I mean--"  
"He isn't straight," John interrupted.   
"Oh he's not? So, then, what's up? I mean is he in a monogamous relationship?"  
"No, I just--Alex, sometimes people are just friends, you know? Sometimes the spark only goes one way."  
Alexander stilled and looked down at his hands. "Yeah," he said. "I know."   
"Yeah," John said.   
"I'm sorry," Alexander said softly.  
John just nodded, his hair making a quiet shuf sound on his pillow. He closed his eyes.  
"Can I hold your hand?" Alexander asked, breaking the silence. John opened his eyes to look at him. "I know I've done it before, just--checking in." He turned to peer at John.  
John managed a small smile. "Sure," he said, stretching his nearest hand toward Alex, who took it in both of his.  
"Um. Who is this guy, anyway?" Alexander asked after a moment. "I mean, do I know him?"  
"Uh..." John pressed his free hand to one of his eyes. "I mean, I hang out with this guy a lot, so."   
"I mean, we do have like, all the same friends."  
"Yeah."  
"Is it okay if I try to figure out who it is from what you told me?"  
John made a sad, frustrated noise. "Sure, man."  
"Okay, so, who do we both know who... He's not straight, which rules out Mulligan, not in a monogamous relationship, so... Okay, I guess you didn't technically say he's one of our FRIENDS, so you could be hanging out with someone I don't like who you do like. Okay, so not Mulligan, not Troup, not Jefferson thank FUCK, or Adams, not Eliza or Angelica or Peggy, not their brother Phil I don't even know if you know him, umm not Maria, not Burr you don't talk to him...is it Washington?"  
John was laughing. "I love that you even considered some of those people. No, it's not George."  
Alex's hands twitched around John's hand, making John look at him sharply. "Okay I'm about to make a guess and if I'm wrong you have to swear that you'll act like this never happened."  
"Cross my heart, but this is your last guess," John said, sounding strained.  
"Okay...okay. Okay. John. If it's me I'm gonna be so fucking mad because I've been flirting with you constantly for the last two months."  
John scrambled upright. "Fucking seriously?"  
"Oh shit please tell me I guessed right."

"Dude, I'm not telling you SHIT until you look me in the eye and tell me you're not shitting me!"  
Alexander took a deep breath, then looked John in the eye. (Oh shit, now John was disconcertingly close to his face.) "I am not fucking shitting you, you dense fucking loser," he said as lightly as he could. "The thing where I was constantly thinking of excuses for me to touch you or compliment you was not guys being dudes, okay?"  
"Oh my god. I'm super dumb!"  
"No you're not, don't--"  
"I'm gonna tackle you now. Fair warning."  
"What--AAAaaaAAAHH!"  
John yanked him down on the mattress and then pulled him close, burying his face in Alexander's shoulder.   
Alex laughed lightly. "Ah yes, the courtship ritual of the rare South Carolina soft-shell turtle?"  
"Shut the fuck up I am so fucking happy, don't ruin this for me by making me remember what an annoying smartass you are."  
"Ouch."  
"Also, you smell really good and your hair is really soft."  
"Thanks."  
"Mhm."  
"...Are we gonna kiss, or are we just gonna do this thing? I mean, this is really nice, I'm just wondering."  
John pulled his face away from Alex's shoulder to look at him. "How much homework do you have left?"  
"None," Alex lied.  
"You liar."  
"Yup," Alex said, and John laughed.  
"Um," John said quietly.  
"What's up? Am I squishing you?"  
"No, I...have just never kissed a guy before."  
"Is that okay?"  
"Yeah, I just."  
"You're nervous?"  
"Mostly, yeah."  
"Do you want me to kiss you?"  
"Well YEAH."  
"Okay, well. I'm gonna kiss you now."  
"Okay," John whispered.  
"Okay."  
"Okay."  
"Last chance to change your mind if you want to."  
"Just kiss me, you fucking dickhead."  
"All right, I will!" Alex said.   
And then he did.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a little over a year ago and finally decided to post it since, like...it's done, so.


End file.
